Happiness

There’s nothing standing in my way

I remind myself of this

The price has already been paid

 But it is always hit or miss.

I open my eyes and look around

This bright and shiny room

I am careful not to make a sound

It is as quiet as a tomb

Moving along and looking ahead

Haunted by the past

I dreamt that I was cut and bled

I need to make this moment last.

Anxious to not waste my time

I get in my car and drive

Sometimes a song will make me cry

I’ve never felt so alive.

Oh, What a Beautiful Morning!

Oh Monday mornings. Personally, as I explained here, I am not a morning person on any day. I would even have trouble with a 10 am wake up time. Mondays, however, are somehow worse. Perhaps it is because I sleep in on the weekends, and my body would like to stick to the new, more favorable schedule. It could be from the lack of proper nutrition (I eat pretty much whatever I want on the weekends, within reason), or it could be the fact that I have to wait a whole five days before being granted the freedom to do whatever I want again. All I know for certain is that when my alarm goes off at 6:19am on Monday, I have to try not to cry.

Image couresy of this site

When I first awake in the morning, I relish in my 15 minute snooze, and fill my mind with thoughts of the people in my life that make me happy. Unfortunately, those wonderful, happy thoughts are quickly replaced with malaise and annoyance, and I brood about hating my job and how unfair life is. Of course, this is ridiculous, and I do have perspective. Still though, I cannot seem to shake the Monday (every) morning blues! I decided to come up with some things that I can do to shake my bad mood. Here’s what I have so far.

1)      Think about breakfast. I am a total foodie, and I notice that on the days that we have a special lunch at work, it is easier for me to get out of bed. I always eat my breakfast when I arrive at the office, and although it is healthy, it is delicious. Thinking about how I will soon get to enjoy a yummy meal makes me realize that life is not so bad. If you don’t eat breakfast, start to. All that stuff about it being the most important meal of the day is true. Oh, and please eat something substantial for breakfast. A doughnut doesn’t count.

2)      Think about something in life that makes you happy. Aside from food, there is usually something enjoyable happening in life. Whether it is plans for the next weekend, a special someone, a highly anticipated movie or TV show, or even just a sunny day. Focus on that. The minute your mind wanders from that, get up and busy yourself with the morning routine.

3)      Ignore your stress for a moment. Sometimes we have stressful things happening in our lives and of course our minds will be preoccupied with these issues. Save them for later. The day is long, and you will have plenty of time to work out the details and find solutions to your problems.

4)      Yoga. Here is a short routine that makes you feel great. I do not really do it much in the morning, as I snooze to the last moment, but often do it in the evening. I will try to follow my own advice.

5)      Do not hurry! I am lucky, I have to catch the train so cannot leave the house a minute too late. It gets me to the office with plenty of time to enjoy my breakfast, chat on my phone and read the news without stressing. I highly suggest making sure that you get to work with time to spare. It makes all the difference on the longevity of a bad mood.

6)      With that extra few minutes you give yourself by committing to not having to rush, you will have time to look at funny pictures! Funny pictures are my #1 solution to a bad mood. You are forced to smile and even laugh out loud, which naturally releases endorphins. Plus, sharing funny things with others is a great way to bond and share the wealth of a good mood.

7)      Drink coffee or tea. Caffeine works, and in small doses is not bad for you. Coffee is full of antioxidants. Do not sweeten it (you will get used to the taste after a week or two), and buy some to keep at the office to make yourself so that you don’t go broke from Starbucks visits.

8)      Listen to the radio while getting ready. Most stations will have a morning show, and they’re meant to aid us with our moods and energy levels. The music played will be upbeat, and the content will be funny. I am a huge believer that comedy helps fix things in life!

9)      Make sure your alarm isn’t super annoying! I personally wake up to the “Harp” sound on the Iphone. It is fairly quiet but vibrates at the same time and continues on until I acknowledge it. For me, it makes my wake up somewhat tolerable. I can’t help but start my day with a frown when I hear the obnoxious BEEP BEEP BEEP that I used to wake up to. Before I had the Iphone, I would wake up to the radio. Try a few things, and always make sure you have a backup set until you find a foolproof solution.

10)  If all else fails, just remember that this mood will not last forever; remember that your life doesn’t really suck, and if at the moment it does, repeat the mantra: This too shall pass.

Please, if anyone else has any suggestions, do tell! I need all the help I can get!

Cheers! And thanks for reading!

'Tis the Season

It has been a long time since I have blogged. I blame video games. For those of you that don’t know, I am a gamer. Autumn means the release of new games. As a result, autumn also means that my social life, creative activities, and general cleanliness suffer as a result of even more time being spent in front of the PC.

Now, we are headed into winter, and we are being bamboozled by Christmas. Christmas means something different to everyone. Some people have family they only see around the holidays; some have children who excitedly await a visit from Santa Claus. Others embrace the religious aspect of the holiday, and many take the opportunity to give to less fortunate people. The majority of people will spend some time eating drinking and being merry.

To me, Christmas doesn’t really mean anything. Having grown out of religion, having minimal family (although eternally thankful that the one member of my immediate family shares my views on the holidays) and despising the cold of winter, there is no cause for me to eagerly anticipate the holidays.  The infectious spirit of giving, in my opinion, should be present year round. The fact that there are people that have lost loved ones, are suffering financially, or are far away from home reminds me that these circumstances are constantly present; people shouldn’t feel more forlorn or hopeless simply because it is Christmastime. The commercial aspect I find ridiculous. Even though I have partaken in the past and enjoy selecting gifts for people, I don’t like to expect something equal in return, nor do I like the guilt that accompanies a lavish gift bestowed on me by another. The entire concept of the gift exchange makes me uncomfortable.

That being said, I am not a scrooge either. Christmas just isn’t important to me. Aside from joking about hating Christmas whilst ordering Vente extra hot Eggnog lattes which I spike with whatever liquor I can find, I don’t regularly speak ill of the holidays. In life, it is the simple things that really inspire merriment for me: sunny days, good health, the internet, and my loved ones.  I don’t wait until Christmas to reflect on how lucky I am to have these things. I don’t humble during the holidays: my 1^st world problems still exist. I miss my sunny days, but enjoy the long weekend that comes with the holiday.

Today’s blog post is inspired by my current Facebook Status: "There are 2 things that I like about Christmas: Starbucks and the man collecting for Sally Ann that sings at Waterfront Station." I admit, it is annoying that Starbucks starts in with the Christmas theme much too early, but I really really like (spiked) eggnog lattes and Christmas Blend. I like the little butter tarts. I like the eclectic Christmas music blasting through their speakers. For those of you that commute in Vancouver, you will know who I speak of when I mention the man that sings at the station. For as long as I can remember, he is there every morning throughout December, shaking his bells, and singing traditional songs. The acoustics in the Marble floored building are one of kind, and even being of average talent, he sounds amazing. It reminds me of something out of a movie, and I am sure it strikes the giving chord in many of the busy morning commuters.

Due to December being a three paycheque month, I have done some shopping, mostly for myself. I have gotten a couple things for others, but would have done so regardless of the season, and of course I adhered to my commitment to simplicity in all aspects of life. I am ready for the holidays to come and go. I am ready to enjoy this season, as well as the next with very special people in my life. To all my readers, I apologize for my sloth and inability to prioritize, and I encourage everyone to eat, drink and be merry throughout the year. Cheers!

Putting it in Perspective: A Bad Day.

Yesterday, I had a bad day. As you know from reading my post here I take the train to work 5 days a week. Well, yesterday the train was delayed, and my fellow passengers and I were to be transported to downtown Vancouver on city busses. Now, there is a drastic difference between the train and a city bus. The train is 1^st class public transit. It is temperature controlled, clean, comfortable and fast. I also don’t experience motion sickness on a train. So, I got on the crowded, humid, smelly bus, where I was unable to place my train blankie to get some rest and tried not to vomit for the duration of the jerky trip. Then, I got dropped off quite far away from my workplace and had to walk many city blocks, late for work and in need of coffee. I had no time to stop because Mondays are rough as it is in the office, and I didn’t want to abandon anyone as I am the person they count on to open on Mondays.

So, as you can see, I was indeed having a rough day. Then, I found out the details of the train delay. Someone (jumped) ended up in front of the train and died. Terrible. Of course, I made fun of the incident a bit because that is how I deal with tragedy, but really I was sickened by the whole thing and felt like a douche for being so irritated by my morning delay. I mean, I am only human and am entitled to my (many bad) moods, but still. That dead guy had a way worse morning than me. Whether it was a suicide or not, to be depressed to the point of ending your life is tragic, and although I don’t understand and barely tolerate depression, I still pity it, and I am still glad that my life is free it.

The rest of my day was tainted by a melancholy air. This is unusual for me mid-cycle, and I blamed it on the tinge of motion sickness I experienced from having to text message while on the bus. I started to read the news, trying to find out what happened that morning on the tracks. I ended up reading a bit about the humanitarian crisis in Somolia, where innocent people are suffering famine, drought and genocide. Now, I know that it is kind of old news, and that many of us easily turn a blind eye to the crisis’s in Africa, but it really bothered me to read it, and view the pictures of the children suffering from malnutrition. I follow the news on the Human Rights Watch website so I have somewhat of an awareness of the trials of the Somolian people and the terrible conditions of the Kenyan refugee camps. I think the reason that reading about it yesterday affected me more than usual was because I had been soooo upset that morning about being late for work and missing my breakfast and coffee, but really, I have nothing to complain about.

I missed one meal. These people walk for days on end with no food or water, abandoning weaker loved ones on the way. The world is so full of human suffering: of people losing loved ones to famine, disease, or suicide; of women suffering rape and countless forms of abuse in societies where such treatment is the norm. I live in a society where I actually get to complain about being fat. Where the food on my plate is full of nutrients and tastes amazing. A place where I get to both drink and wash my car with delicious, clean, fresh water.  We spend countless precious hours of our lives crying over relationship problems, whining about going to work for 8 hours a day, yelling at our fellow humans for poor service, stressing about not having enough money to buy all the excessive things that we think that we need. All of these negative actions will eventually affect our health, and trust me, when your health goes, you will feel like an idiot for ever worrying about money.

I made it through my bad day. A client came in and started yelling at my colleagues over something so trivial that I had to leave my desk, or else she would have got a lecture on the trials of the Somolian people. The minutes ticked by and eventually I got to board the comfortable, modern, immaculate train to go home. I reflected on how lucky I am: not only am I lucky to have been born here, where my job involves zero physical exertion, and where I get to drink fresh spring water all day at my desk, but also on how happy I am with my frame of mind. I rarely stress about the little things, am healthy (knock on wood) and have surrounded myself with good people who are loyal and that I care about. We all have bad days, or days where we feel sad or angry, and we are entitled to feel that way. I guess my message is to just not let it get you down too much, and try not to sweat the small stuff, because when put in perspective, most of the things in our lives that upset us, are quite small indeed.

Training with the General Public

I am required to commute to work and the method I use is the Commuter train. The last train leaves my town at 7:30am, and I catch it from 1^st stop to last stop so it provides me time to sleep!

I am not and have never been a morning person. I loathe waking up early and need to snooze at least 3-4 times before I reluctantly sit up and pout for 5 minutes. Then I walk to the bathroom with my eyes closed, feeling incredibly sorry for myself.  It really is pathetic. I am almost 30 years old and have been employed without a gap for the last 15 years. They say it takes 3 weeks to form a habit and yet, after 15 years, I am unable to adhere to the habit of waking up early.

Anyways, my inability to function in the morning allows me to be pleased with my method of commuting. I saunter on the train, and settle in the same seat every day. I got a pair of Skullcandy headphones for Christmas last year. They cover my ears and help drown out environmental sound, so I immediately don those and my biggest, darkest sunglasses. I have my “train blankie” that I actually acquired on a Norwegian train which I fold it up and use as a pillow. With my phone on my leg and my backpack on my lap, I close my eyes and let the movement of the train drift me back into slumber.  The process of determining which seat I would claim as my own was tedious and lengthy; I endured a month or two of trial and error, of being constantly disturbed by stupid conversations held by stupid people. I finally found a spot that is surrounded by other ‘regulars’, people that sit in the same seat as well, and keep relatively quiet.

It was a very frustrating progression. There are these three blonde women (not that I would ever judge people by hair/skin colour etc. I just want my readers to be able to picture the scenario) that would board the train right before the 20 minute stretch with no stops. This stretch means that I can sleep uninterrupted by the station stop announcement and the people entering the train with their heavy steps and strange new smells. These loud, trivial women would completely ruin this for me, every single day. One of them is completely self absorbed and simple minded. She voices her narcissism to her companions the entire time, loud enough for someone at the back of the train to hear every word. Her counterparts can hardly get a word in edgewise as she banters on about the gym, what she wears, her hair, and whatever else happens to spew out of her mouth. She seriously never shuts up. It’s exhausting. I finally figured out the few spots that she frequents and avoid them. I have been lucky; aside form being foolish, she must also be too lazy to walk over to the back of the train, where I attempt to sleep in peace.

There are two other groups of people that have made me “almost get up in your face and give you a piece of my mind” angry. There are these 3 Russian women that sit together every day and engage in a conversation in their mother tongue. This wouldn’t be too annoying, as I don’t understand what they’re saying so it’s impossible to follow the conversation. The problem is their volume. They don’t speak as loud as the blonde woman, but they will all speak at the same time! As the tone of their conversations escalates, so does their volume and it completely take over my thoughts and my quietly playing music.  Them, combined with the “happy pill bunch” are enough to quell any positivity that I muster in the mornings. I call them the ‘happy pill bunch’ because it is impossible to be that raucous and chipper in the morning without being on some serious meds. I mean, I love life and everything is great and my days are usually stress free and filled with fun, but there is no way in hell you will hear me speaking in such a falsely cheerful tone and such a volume so early in the morning. The go on and on, gossiping and blatantly stating that they’re better than the average person, with statements like, “Well IIII do it like this, and it’s always juuust right!” and other equally aggravating quips, always stated in a self righteous tone.  I don’t understand how being completely disrespectful to the people around you can be so self-satisfying. I can tell that they enjoy it, too. They think all the sleeping, quiet people around them are brooding and miserable, and that in comparison, they are glowing with delight. Perhaps we are miserable in our tired state, but at least we aren’t forced to entertain ourselves with psycho-babble!

The evening commute is somewhat more pleasant. Once again, I look forward to donning my shades and headphones, and catching a nap with my train blankie. It is generally less crowded, people disembark at each stop instead of boarding, and by the time I am at my stop, it is almost empty, and nice and quiet. Most of the time. The evening is when some people decide to conduct their personal lives via cell phone. For some reason, some people feel they need to yell when they’re on their phones, and I am lucky when I can only catch tidbits of conversations. I judge these overheard tidbits based on a scale of how exasperating their discussions are. “So, like and he totally said that!” is unacceptable, whereas “I just got on the train, I’ll be at the station at 7” is completely understandable. I myself am careful when having phone conversations to keep my volume at a minimum. Even if I wasn’t concerned about annoying people, why would I want the entire train to know what I am talking about? This isn’t reality TV, and the commuters don’t want to be forced to be an audience to my problems, interests, or ego.  There are always a few loud-talkers in addition to the cell-phone culprits, and I sometimes will get up and move to sit away from them. Still, it is much more tolerable to share the train with them in the evenings.

There was one occasion, however, where I had arrived at the train early, secured myself a window seat and was ready for my rest. Then, a really really fat guy sat next to me. I have a low tolerance for the morbidly obese as it is, and less of a tolerance for them taking up my much needed and treasured personal space. The train was about to leave, and it was rather full that day, so I didn’t want to get up and wander around with my blankie looking for a free seat. I figured I’d just deal with it. Then, a really tall skinny guy sat across from me! I was literally forced into my corner and unable to leave without a lot of awkwardness, especially considering my anger level; my clumsiness surely would have increased. The fat guy started eating a cookie. I looked helplessly around at the rest of the commuters only to see some Asian kid with his phone out, pointing it at me. I suspect that he was taking a picture of me pouting and huddled into the corner to post somewhere on the internet.

I have started to grow accustomed to the general public, and even almost accepting of some of them. In the evenings, I am careful to select where I sit, after the fat-man incident, and I realize that people are who they are, and cannot be changed. My dirty looks and sighs go unheeded and usually unnoticed. The other day I boarded the train and walked slowly down the aisle, cautiously viewing the passengers, trying to decide who I should sit near. Then I saw the familiar woman who wears a pretty scarf to cover her head and reads quietly and politely. She doesn’t try to take over the space that I am entitled to with her feet or belongings, and is generally non-offensive. I have even heard her talk on the phone before and I noticed that she was careful to keep her voice low and ended her conversation quickly. Once I spotted her, I decided to sit near her, even though she already had the window spot. As I sat down, we made eye contact, and she gave me a knowing smile. I assume she was relieved that she wouldn’t have to deal with the fat-man, or a loud drunk kid, or a pair of girlfriends eager to gossip and socialize. I’m sure that she recognizes me as being equally non-offensive.  Perhaps she knows me as the weird girl that is glued to the Iphone and always sleeps with a blankie. Whatever she thinks of me, I will accept it, and I will be looking for a seat near her on the train tonight.